Longtime readers know that I use Father’s Day as a time to celebrate the impact of football on my family. This year is a little different though. The past six months have not been easy ones, and it has changed my perspective a bit.

In January, while I was on my way to Senior Bowl week in Mobile, my last remaining grandparent passed away. My maternal grandfather died at age 89, and he had been my last grandparent for over 15 years. I wrote about his influence on my football life at that time, and I thank everyone for the great responses I got on Twitter and email following its initial publication. What interests me heading into Father’s Day is the impact he had on his children. His passing brought together his five children for the first time in years, and I’ve seen how important that is to my mother and her siblings. They are spread across the country and haven’t always seen eye to eye on various issues, but the strength of their father and their love for him brought them all together. It also brought me together with cousins I hadn’t seen in well over a decade, and to see them as parents is really special. Because many of my cousins are University of Florida or Ohio University grads, we talked quite a bit about the football programs. Sports, and football in particular, is a huge part of our family. 

That same week, a longtime family friend passed away as well. He was one of my dad’s best friends, and I was casual friends with one of his sons when we were young. This was another man who I looked up to, a successful man both personally and professionally, and he was too young to die. It really hit me that my own parents are getting to the age where death happens, and I’m not ready for that possibility. Unfortunately that hypothetical became reality.

During my time away for Shrine Week and Senior Bowl week, my father-in-law came down from Illinois to watch my kids. He had just retired from a very successful career in the chemical industry, and he loved being with his grandchildren for two unabated weeks. A week later he set off on his retirement present to himself and his wife, a long-planned vacation to Aruba. During his trip, tragedy struck. My father-in-law, John Bortak, suffered a pulmonary embolism while snorkeling and died in the waters off the Aruban coast. 

That was over four months ago and it’s still shocking. My wife and her siblings remain sullen and sad, while my mother-in-law saw her life completely changed in the blink of an eye. I spent a great deal of time with my father-in-law, even living in their home right after I graduated college. He was a gregarious, compassionate man whose successes in life were no accident. John was also a huge Michigan football fan and booster. When we went to his house to be with my mother-in-law for Mother’s Day, I counted 22 different Michigan shirts, including commemorative golf shirts from Rose Bowls and Big Ten championships. There were close to that many hats, sweatshirts, and golf towels. Centered in his home office is an autographed picture with Brady Hoke taken at a booster function. There are signed footballs, pictures with Gary Moeller and Lloyd Carr, and various other displays of Go Blue loyalty.

John’s love of Michigan, where he received his Master’s Degree, was initially troublesome. I come from a Buckeye family. My dad went to Ohio State and has taken me to at least 20 games in the Horseshoe. Unfortunately my wife has Go Blue fever as well, and early in our relationship this was not a small issue. One of the first times our families mixed was for the Tim Biakabutuka gone wild game in 1995 that knocked the Buckeyes from the national title picture. It could have been a tense and combative affair, but John was conciliatory and affable and we all had a good time even though my own father was ready to explode in disgust. The 90s were hard for Buckeye fans to deal with Michigan folks, but my father in law used it as a bonding point. There’s even a picture of me wearing a Michigan helmet in their house, though I’m not smiling.

So this Father’s Day is kind of a downer for me. I lost two of the strongest role models and father figures in my life since last Father’s Day. My own father has struggled with some ailments over the last few years as well, though I’m happy to report he is doing very well right now and is golfing again. I’ve had my own battles with aging as well. I turned 40, and I notice more grey hairs on the floor every time I get a haircut. I now take a daily prescription to control a malady (Allopurinol if you must know), something that was unthinkable even two years ago. It’s a lot harder to keep the excess pounds off even with the same amount of exercise, and those incessant “low testosterone” adverts are hitting a little too close to home these days. The fellas at the gym I play basketball with have taken to calling me “old school”, and I’ve probably dunked for the last time. My back and elbow hurt a lot almost every morning. My own son, all seven and a half years of him, legitimately beat me in a free throw shooting contest, albeit on an 8.5 foot rim.

It’s my own kids growing up that keeps my spirits high. My son, Layne, is showing legit acumen at basketball, and we love to watch games together. He wants to be the next Chandler Parsons, his current hoops hero. He would play Madden on the Wii nonstop if permitted, and it’s awesome to have him help me in the scouting process. During the Cotton Bowl he was my Kiko Alonso spotter, marking down where he lined up on every snap and what he did on the play. My Layne nailed it, and he went on to help me with spotting Lane Johnson (his favorite player based strictly on his name) and Jesse Williams in various game tape sessions. My daughter, Elizabeth, scored a goal in a 4-year-old soccer game, and her reaction makes me swell with tear just writing about it. She’s now able to dribble pretty well for a 4-year old girl and can make a few shots on a lowered rim.

I’ve often taken my kids for granted. Losing my grandfather and father-in-law recently has made me appreciate and cherish my time with them so much more. The very last time I saw my father-in-law he was shooting baskets with my son. I still have a difficult time grasping that they won’t get the chance to do that ever again. That’s my Father’s Day message this year: take advantage of the relationships while you still have them. Now if you’ll excuse me, my kids are bugging me to go play in the sprinklers. No way am I turning that offer down, certainly not on this weekend.