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Ricky Williams: ?In 2008 I?ll Only Be Smoking Harmless Tobacco!?
3rd March, 2008 - 7:20 pm

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By Buster Gunning

With a new coach and general manager coming to Miami, running back Ricky Williams is promising to make 2008 a drug free season to be remembered by all.

Ex-collegiate superstar running back Ricky Williams, thrice suspended by the NFL for violating the NFL?s substance abuse policy, is taking on a whole new image for 2008.

In a recent interview in San Francisco?s underground paper, Ricky Williams has promised: ?In 2008, I?ll only be smoking harmless tobacco!?

Williams lives in nearby Grass Valley when he is suspended by the NFL.

?I?ve seen the dangers of Cannabis, Marijuana, or Pot to the lay person. I have seen how destructive it can be on a person?s life. I gave up the time honored American tradition of Football, respected and watched by all. I gave it all up to pursue my own ?selfish? needs, the need to grow myself, to explore other aspects of life that don?t involve football. How foolish I was, why couldn?t I have seen that football is all that mattered??

??I have found a non-destructive habit to partake in during my free-time. Nicotine has become a welcome replacement to the ever-addictive THC. Mixed with an occasional fifth of Rebel Yell whiskey, I have been able to convert my illegal, pot-filled, hedonistic lifestyle into a healthy and legal existence. I?m up to two packs a day!?

Newly installed Dolphins' General Manager Bill Parcels was unavailable for comment; however, sources close to ?Tuna? have said that the former Cowboys' coach is 420 friendly.

Will Ricky Williams ?break-out? in 2008?: Buster.Gunning@realgm.com

The preceding article was a piece of satirical fiction.