By Martin Barna Maybe I?m running out of ideas for preseason columns. Maybe I?m a little too anxious for the season to get into full swing. Maybe I?m just a nine-year old kid at heart. Maybe its all of the above. Whatever the reason, while recently browsing through the bottom ends of several team depth charts, I found myself surprisingly amused by a number of the curious names that haven?t yet received regular mention on Sunday afternoon telecasts. Some sounded valiantly heroic, others were difficult to pronounce, and more than a few begged the question: what in the world were Mom and Dad thinking? Historically, the best names have come from the world of professional basketball. While the NFL may not quite be ready to compete with the likes of Bimbo Coles, God Shammgod, and Mookie Blaylock, it certainly has a few interesting monikers of its own. At any rate, the following list provides a brief look at some of the more interesting names and nicknames among current NFL players. While you probably can?t rely on these fourth and fifth stringers to produce an all-pro performance in 2005, you can always count on them few guilty chuckles. Bad to the Bone Thump Belton, Bears, RB: Thump run fast. Thump make touchdown. Thump happy. Coincidentally grew up a couple caves down from Fred Flintstone and Bam Morris. Gino Capone, Vikings, LB: You saw ?The Untouchables?. Would you want to toe the line with a guy that has Michael Corleone, Tommy De Vito, and Tony Soprano on his rolodex? Ciatrick Fason, Vikings, RB: Doesn?t it just roll off your tongue? See-ah-trick-fay-zawn. Right up there with ?salsa? and ?facetious?. Go ahead, take your time getting to the next one. Tank Williams, Titans, DB, and Rock Cartwright, Redskins, RB: Gotta love football players named after immovable objects. Too bad neither one of these misnomers tip the scales past 230. Ronyell Whitaker, Buccaneers, DB: Slated to fight Drederick Tatum for the heavyweight championship of the world sometime next year. Peerless Price, Falcons, WR: Pretty tough name to live up to. Not sure he has yet, but I enjoy the alliteration, so I?ll throw him into the mix. Dallas Clark, Indianapolis, TE, London Fletcher, Bills, LB, Cleveland Pinkney, Seahawks, DT, and Paris Warren, Buccaneers, WR: Something about major cities as first names that just does it for me, I don?t know. Not sure I would?ve gone with Cleveland, but you know, whatever floats it. Come Again? Filip Filipovic, Philadelphia, P: I mean, come on Mom and Dad. I know he?s a punter, but thrown the kid a bone, will you?. John? Daniel? Matthew? Were these all taken already? Obafemi Ayabandejo, Cardinals, RB: Can?t you just hear Cheech Marin getting pissed off at a valet attendant and spouting off this gem? Chukie Nwokorie, Broncos, DT: Nah-wa. Nah-wok, Not-gonna-work-here-anymore. Come on, you had to see that one coming. Craphonso Thorpe, Chiefs, WR, and Scott Fujita, Chiefs, LB: Admit it, you chuckled at the second one. It?s alright, I did too. Not exactly the pinnacle of our maturity as adults, but what are you gonna do? Nickname Desperately Needed Sam Lightbody, Buccaneers, T: Ever wanted to know the definition of irony? He?s 325 pounds and he plays football in Tampa. Cletidus Hunt, Packers, DT, and Jeb Huckeba, Seahawks, DE: Alright well now I?m just blatantly stereotyping, and I apologize for that, but you probably wouldn?t jump out of your chair if I told you that they were products of the fine programs at Kentucky State and Arkansas, respectively. Max Starks, Steelers, T, and Rex Tucker, Rams, T: Seriously, if I had to go into witness protection tomorrow and got to pick an fake name, these would be my top two picks. Can?t you just see them introducing themselves with their buddies chucking over in the corner? Lacorey Street, Jaguars, DT: Yeah, you take a left on Charles Way, then the second right onto Dick ?Night Train? Lane, and it?s the fourth house on the right with the porch and the green door. If you pass Dominic Rhodes, you?ve gone too far. And my personal favorite? Taco Wallace, Seahawks, WR: This one really got me. Can?t you just see the parents holding the kid, realizing that they have to come up with a decent name, quickly scanning the house for ideas, and settling on the featured item from last night?s Tex-Mex leftovers? Setting the bar kinda high there, aren?t you? And there you have it. Another day, another political incorrect and mildly offensive column. And as long as no one catches on to the fact that a primate of mediocre intelligence and no football background could have written it, then I?ll still be here next week with another insightful, high-brow, informative look at the fast-approaching 2005 regular season. See you then.