The annual exercise in predictive futility is here. These are meant to serve as both prescient and fun. They also often make me look like a complete imbecile. Your fun comes from trying to figure out which of these will be taunt-worthy come January and which will make you think, “Wow, how did he see that coming?!”

1. The first team to clinch a playoff berth will be the Denver Broncos. A Week 13 win over the second-place Chiefs will put the Broncos at 10-2 while dropping the Chiefs to 6-6, wrapping up the weak AFC West thanks to the tie-breaking sweep.

2. Robert Griffin III will play every snap for the Redskins in 2013, defiantly and cheerfully answering questions about his durability. RG3 will produce 35 combined touchdowns and will finish in the top-5 of MVP voting as the Redskins once again make the playoffs.

3. Thanks to the St. Louis Rams holding more early leads more often, Chris Long will lead the NFL in sacks with 17.5. Fellow DE Robert Quinn will chip in 11.5, making the Rams the one of only three teams (Cincinnati and Miami the other two) to feature two players with double digit sacks.

4. Sean Payton’s return to the sidelines for the New Orleans Saints equates to Drew Brees breaking Tom Brady’s record for most TD passes in a season, with 52. Jimmy Graham will be on the receiving end of 21 of those, shattering the record for tight ends.

5. On the other end of the spectrum, the New York Jets will tie last year’s abysmal Kansas Chiefs' team with just eight TD passes. That’s the lowest total since the Andrew Walter-led Raiders threw for just seven TDs in their 2-14 2006 campaign. Geno Smith will throw five of them, while Mark Sanchez throws just three in his seven starts to go with 11 INTs and three lost fumbles.

6. Due to the lack of receiving talent, the New England Patriots transform into a rushing juggernaut. New England will lead the league in rushing attempts, becoming the first team since the 2009 Jets to top 600 carries in a season. They threaten the record for most rushing yards in a season, interestingly enough held by the 1978 Patriots. Much like that team, no individual will rush for more than 1000 yards. Fret not, Brady fantasy drafters, as Tom Terrific still throws for 3950 yards and 33 TDs.

7. After a rookie season where he led seven game-winning drives, Andrew Luck and the Colts wind up on the wrong end of the comeback stick in 2013. Luck will tie for the league lead in interceptions with Josh Freeman and author just three game-winning drives. Of the QBs in NFL history who have led seven or more game-winning drives in one season, only one has topped four in the following season. That would be Peyton Manning on the ’08 and ’09 Colts.

8. There will be one coach fired during the season. I’m going to waffle here between Mike Munchak in Tennessee and Ron Rivera in Carolina. First team to eight losses suffers the indignity. Expectations are a little higher in Carolina, so that tips the scales there, though I think the Panthers are also more likely to make a jump forward. The sleeper pick is Rex Ryan from the Jets, who aren’t going to win as many games as either Carolina or Tennessee. If the Lions have an ugly, penalty-filled loss or two Jim Schwartz might not make it either.

9. On the flip side, the NFL Coach of the Year will be John Harbaugh of the Ravens. He earns the nod for keeping the team in the playoffs despite a massive defection of impact talent and transforming the team from a defensive-oriented power to a prolific offensive beast.

10. Adrian Peterson will cruise to another regular season rushing title, but he tops out at “only” 1677 yards while missing parts of two games with minor injuries. He will be pushed by a resurgent Chris Johnson and a healthy Jamaal Charles. The most rushing touchdowns will go to Baltimore’s Ray Rice, however.

11. One of the surprise teams to fall from the playoffs is the Atlanta Falcons. The Steven Jackson experiment struggles behind a patchwork line, and the lack of a consistent pass rush and coverage leaves them vulnerable to aerial offenses that pockmark their schedule. I have a nagging suspicion they suffer a key injury to an offensive skill weapon too. And yes, this directly contradicts what I wrote about Atlanta in my season preview.

12. The criticism over the game going soft hits a fever pitch when a defender gets flagged on a play where he doesn’t even touch the quarterback. I strongly suspect the play involves Tom Brady. Even shameless officiating apologist Mike Pereira will acknowledge that the offending referee, and my guess is that it’s the overwhelmed Jeff Triplette, deserves strong punishment for crimes against football.

13. Last year half the teams in the league had kickoff touchback percentages greater than 45%. This season that number increases. Eighteen teams will record touchbacks on at least half their kickoffs, effectively neutering the value of return specialists that don’t offer anything on snapped downs. Strange factoid from 2012--the three worst teams in terms of touchback percentage were the three teams that call New York home.

14. Defensive Player of the Year will go to Cincinnati’s Geno Atkins, who will turn in another dominant performance from his tackle position. Atkins will rack up 13.5 sacks, 17 tackles for loss, force four fumbles, and somehow score a touchdown. He spearheads a defense that carries the Bengals to another AFC North title.

15. Staying in the AFC North, the Pittsburgh Steelers will win 75 percent of their games where Ben Roethlisberger plays every meaningful snap at QB and Troy Polamalu plays 75 percent of the defensive snaps. They only win 25 percent of the games where both don’t occur. Through the magic of math, that leaves the Steelers with eight wins. This will be the last season Troy Polamalu is ever regarded as an impact player.

16. The Most Improved Player award will go to Lions DT Nick Fairley, who will put up eerily similar numbers to the aforementioned Geno Atkins: 12 sacks, three forced fumbles, three PDs, and will lead all 4-3 D-linemen in QB pressures. Some of us already know it, but this is the year where everyone else catches on that Nick Fairley is a better player than Ndamukong Suh, and that’s no knock on Suh either.

17. JJ Watt won’t be able to replicate his magical 2012, but he still produces 14 sacks and swats down 9 passes. Whitney Mercilus picks up the slack and notches 9.5 sacks of his own, and the Texans lead the league in QB Rating allowed. That allows them to cruise to another AFC South title even though their vaunted running game ranks in the bottom half and Matt Schaub throws just 21 TDs.

18. Speaking of the Texans, the Comeback Player of the Year will be Brian Cushing. The inside linebacker will rebound from a torn up knee and take out his pent-up aggression on opposing offenses. Cushing will lead all LBs in runs stopped in the backfield and will also chip in 6.5 sacks. Runner up? Cowboys LB Sean Lee.

19. The last team to win a game will be the San Diego Chargers. The Bolts come out and lose their first nine games, finally cracking the win column with an upset over the Dolphins in Miami. A porous defense and the continued downward spiral of Philip Rivers are the primary culprits. Along the way the Chargers become the first victims for both the Raiders in Week 5 and Jaguars in Week 7.

20. On the flip side of that coin, the final undefeated team will be Cincinnati Bengals. They make it to 9-0 before a visit to Baltimore puts a mark in the loss ledger.

21. Offensive Rookie of the Year will be Broncos RB Montee Ball. He’ll hit 1150 yards and 11 touchdowns in what will be a down year across the board for offensive rookies. Ball will get ample opportunities running behind a solid offensive line and often playing with a sizeable lead in Denver. A sleeper candidate: Saints WR Kenny Stills, who will lead all rookie wideouts in touchdowns.

22. The league will adjust to the proliferation of read-option offenses to some extent, but the advantage still belongs to the offenses. Colin Kaepernick will produce over 5000 combined yards of offense and 35+ touchdowns in leading the San Francisco 49ers deep into the playoffs. But he will turn the ball over more frequently and Andy Lee will have to punt more often too.

23. The Offensive Player of the Year will be Drew Brees for his stellar performance (see #4). He will edge out Aaron Rodgers, who also tops 5000 yards and 40 touchdowns in leading Green Bay to another NFC North title despite being completely devoid of a running attack. The Packers' drought of not having a 100-yard rusher since 2010 will end, however; Johnathan Franklin will rip off two long runs and top 120 yards against the Lions on Thanksgiving.

24. At least seven more players will get suspended during the season for positive PED tests. Two of them will come from Seattle, where these positive tests are fast becoming an epidemic. The league will respond by heavily fining the Seahawks and stripping a draft pick for the NFL’s version of lack of institutional control.

25. The AFC playoff picture will remain very crowded until the very end of the season. Entering Week 16, eleven AFC teams will have mathematical life to earn a playoff spot. Two surprise teams on that list: Cleveland and Buffalo.

26. During an impromptu joyous moment while the Vikings and Steelers meet in London, Commissioner Roger Goodell lets it slip that the league will move a team to London for the 2015 season. In a surprising twist, it will not be the Jacksonville Jaguars.

27. Due to the focus and emphasis on avoiding blows to the head, an unfortunate side consequence is that defensive players will target lower on the body. That will lead to a spike in gruesome knee injuries like what happened with Marcus Lattimore last year and Dustin Keller in this preseason. At least three players will suffer career-ending lower leg injuries.

28. Defensive Rookie of the Year will be Ravens LB Arthur Brown. He has big shoes to fill, but Brown is more than up to the challenge of replacing Ray Lewis. Brown will lead all rookie LBs in tackles, sacks, and forced turnovers. Runner up? Lions DE Ziggy Ansah.

29. Not one but two kickers will break the magical 63-yard barrier on field goals. One will be Sebastian Janikowski, who is already tied for the record mark at that distance with Tom Dempsey, David Akers, and Jason Elam. The other will be Greg Zuerlein from the Rams, and his 66-yarder will be more special because it wins an overtime game.

30. The division winners: New England, Cincinnati, Houston, and Denver in the AFC. New York Giants, Green Bay, New Orleans, and Seattle in the NFC. Savvy readers who have read some of my season previews will note some crossed wires here. Wild Cards go to Baltimore and Kansas City in the AFC and San Francisco and Washington in the NFC.

31. With the first pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, the Oakland Raiders select South Carolina DE Jadeveon Clowney. They will get some very attractive trade offers but opt to take what most are saying is the best defensive talent to his the draft since Bruce Smith or Lawrence Taylor. The next four picks: Louisville QB Teddy Bridgewater to the Chargers, Alabama T Cyrus Kouandjio to the Cardinals, Notre Dame DE Stephon Tuitt to the Bears, and Clemson QB Tajh Boyd to the Titans.

32. My prediction for the final four in the NFL: Cincinnati vs. Denver in the AFC, New Orleans vs. San Francisco in the NFC. The Super Bowl champs will be the Denver Broncos, led by Super Bowl MVP Von Miller.