Christmas is upon us. I hope everyone has a very safe and fulfilling holiday. I cannot wait to watch my children turn my living room into a paper-filled toy store as my wife and I scarf down her special Christmas waffles and chocolate milk. Take the time to enjoy your family and those you care about, because recent events have shown us that you never know how long you will get to spend with them.

In that spirit, this week’s piece is abbreviated to just eight cents. Aside from the fact that bowl season is just kicking off and the mock draft from midweek should sate the draft enthusiasts, I’m tired of being preachy on social issues and would rather leave myself and my dear readers more time to enjoy Christmas.

$.01--What started as a blockbuster NFC West matchup in the Sunday Night game turned into a snoozefest beyond anything the embarrassingly overrated Wes Anderson could direct up. Seattle pounced all over visiting San Francisco, going up 21-0 quickly and coasting to a 42-13 win.

Much like The Royal Tennebaums and Rushmore, something that I was really looking forward to watching because of all the hype instead sent me to the exits early. There are only so many times a guy can watch Russell Wilson run around, behind, and through the befuddled 49ers defense, even as magical as it really is. The Seattle offensive line took full advantage of the absence of Niners All-Pro DE Justin Smith, pushing the defense backwards repeatedly and giving Wilson all sorts of time and escape routes. Seattle’s own defense brought the pain, knocking out Vernon Davis and Mario Manningham and socking a very good offensive line in the mouth.

I drew a couple of conclusions from this one. Much as I will never subject myself to the tortuous inanity and boredom of any more Wes Anderson films, I will never doubt this Seahawks team at home. They’ve improved on the road but are still vulnerable, but in Seattle they are not going to lose to anyone. There is tangible magic to it, much like with the Saints in the Superdome during their Super Bowl run. For San Francisco, it’s not time to go back to Alex Smith or fret about much here. The defense looked tired from the draining affair in New England, travelling across the country on a short week to a hostile environ and missing their best player. Yes, the offense was flat and Colin Kaepernick’s inexperience showed quite a bit, but that is to be expected. The only thing that concerns me is the injuries, which continue to mount all over the depth chart. If they have to play Ted Ginn and AJ Jenkins and their 2nd and 3rd wideouts going forward and with no Vernon Davis, this offense is in real trouble.

And you film geeks can spare me about the Wes Anderson grief. I prefer my movies to have a point, a coherent story line, and actors that are allowed to be more than stone-faced line readers. If you like that sort of thing, more power to you…

$.02--Congratulations to the Cincinnati Bengals on earning a Wild Card berth by beating the Steelers in Pittsburgh. For the first time in 30 years, the Bengals have made the playoffs in two straight seasons. They accomplished this feat by being the less crappy team at Heinz Field on Sunday.

This was not a game either team will want to remember. Nor will the officials, who made a couple of ponderous calls of their own. Both quarterbacks, Andy Dalton and Ben Roethlisberger, were erratic and got picked twice while facing heavy pressure most of the day. Both teams were dreadful on third down, a combined 6-for-28. Bengals RB BenJarvis Green-Ellis ran for 14 yards on 15 carries, gaining more than two yards on just one attempt. The defensive fronts from both teams dominated the line of scrimmage. The MVP of the game was arguably Bengals punter Kevin Huber, who was phenomenal. 

It was not a game either coach will want to highlight on the résumé either. Both Marvin Lewis and Mike Tomlin made poor decisions in attempting long field goals late, after Lewis had earlier eschewed a field goal attempt on 4th & 22 from the 33. It’s very rare to make a field goal in that stadium longer than 48 yards, but that didn’t stop Lewis from having Josh Brown try a 56-yarder. That came on the heels of a 3rd and 11 play where Dalton attacked down the field instead of trying to pick up a few precious yards for his kicker. Brown missed and set up the Steelers with great field position and just over three minutes on the clock. The Steelers got one first down on a hard Rashard Mendenhall run, but Tomlin and OC Todd Haley went to that dry well too much. Three ineffective runs later, Sean Suisham tried a 53-yarder that wouldn’t have made it from 33.

Here is where Lewis outcoached Tomlin, and I know that phrase makes Steelers fans nauseous. Lewis learned from his mistake and on 3rd & 1 from the Pittsburgh 48 with just under a minute left, he opted to punt and accept a tie in regulation rather than risk the loss by giving the Steelers field position. Tomlin was not deterred and put the pedal to the floor, attacking from his own 11 with 40 seconds to go. On 2nd down, Roethlisberger threw a ball down the field directly to Bengals safety Reggie Nelson, who had seen the route to Mike Wallace a few too many times on film. With 14 seconds, Lewis made a calculated decision to try one shot down the field to set up a field goal. Dalton hit AJ Green on a perfectly thrown out pattern that gashed Pittsburgh for 21 yards and gave Brown a shot at redemption. He nailed it, and for the second week in a row a bad Big Ben INT (actually two in this one) cost them a close game they had to win.

$.03--New Orleans wandered into Arlington and dropped a big lump of coal on the Cowboys, winning 34-31 in an action-packed overtime game. This one did not follow the overplayed but familiar script of Tony Romo being the problem for Dallas. Romo was very good and made some clutch throws, but Drew Brees was just a little better.

The defense and a bad fumble by Demarco Murray were the culprits in this latest Dallas December disaster. New Orleans racked up 33 first downs as Brees torched a scattered secondary for 446 yards and three touchdowns. Many of the 37 completions featured a Saints receiver running away from a Cowboys defender, notably Marques Colston pulling away for a 60-yarder early in the fourth quarter to the Dallas three. Brees found David Thomas on the next play to put the visitors up two scores and create a torrent of “here we go again” from Cowboys fans. But Romo and Dez Bryant weren’t finished. 

Romo was very good, but Bryant was spectacular in this game. Twice in the second quarter they connected for 58-yard touchdown passes where Bryant exploded past a host of Saints defenders to the end zone. He was largely unstoppable, using his big body and great speed to consistently get separation and aggressively extended his hands to catch the ball. It’s the sort of effort Jerry Jones prays for, and Dez Bryant delivered. He continued to deliver after the Cowboys squandered the lead and found themselves down 31-17 midway through the fourth quarter. Romo found Bryant for another 41 yards to set up the first comeback TD, a Dwayne Harris 16-yarder with 3:35 left. He attracted extra attention on the final touchdown, leaving Miles Austin isolated in man coverage with Johnny Patrick in the right corner of the end zone. Romo threw a perfect pass to Austin, who caught the ball while sitting on the ground as Patrick desperately sought him out. Overtime!

After the Cowboys could only muster one first down, Drew Brees and Jimmy Graham answered Romo and Bryant. On their first play, Graham got behind the linebacker and well outside the safety for a too-easy 26 yard catch that put the Saints in Dallas territory. Brees again found Graham on 3rd & 3 to keep the drive alive. Then came what Cowboys fans will argue deserves to be called “The Fumble 2.0”. Colston caught a ball over the middle but Morris Claiborne quickly stripped it, and the ball went careening forward towards the end zone. It was a footrace between Graham and Eric Frampton. Graham showed off his power forward skills, chucking Frampton aside like Kevin Garnett on his patented moving picks. Graham actually overshot the ball a bit, but Frampton crashed into both Graham and the ball and pushed it right to him, and you’re not going to win a pileup scrum with Jimmy Graham. New Orleans wasted no time, sending out Garrett Hartley to kick the chip shot and send the Cowboys fans to the exits in sadness. 

The Cowboys got a major reprieve with the Giants also losing, meaning they still have their playoff fate in their own hands. Win against red-hot Washington and Dallas is in the playoffs. Romo, who has a chance at a 5000-yard season, gets another shot at exorcising all those December ghosts. This loss was most certainly not on him, but so many are programmed into the story arc that he is the problem that it probably takes another outstanding game next week for the masses to accept Romo.

$.04--You’ve all heard of the usual suspect teams that need new quarterbacks for 2013. The Jets, Cardinals, Eagles, and Chiefs easily spring to mind. You’ll probably hear Buffalo and San Diego from a lot of places, and Jacksonville is widely regarded as needing help. One team that needs to be more prominently mentioned is the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. 

Josh Freeman no longer deserves the benefit of doubt generated from his very good 2010 campaign. Once again he was the primary reason why the Buccaneers lost a game, continuing a disturbing trend of horrible play. Freeman had a very impressive stretch of games midseason, but his play at the beginning and end of the season has been terrible. Sunday’s loss to the Rams was the second in a row with 4 INTs. It also continues his penchant for making his stats look better by piling up garbage-time yards and TDs.

This has to be a major disappointment for GM Mark Dominik, who did a great job augmenting the team around him. Vincent Jackson has proven worth the big free agent contract, and Carl Nicks was as well before getting hurt. Doug Martin would win Offensive Rookie of the Year in some recent seasons as well as he’s played, and the young LBs and DBs on defense have played pretty well. This is a team that could be a lot better than 6-9, and it falls on Freeman. They could have been a lot better than 4-12 last year if not for Freeman’s flippant disregard for ball security and apparent blasé game preparations. It worked for a bit with new Coach Greg Schiano, but the expiration date on that freshness passed at Halloween. Only the laughable Mark Sanchez and fill-ins Chad Henne and Ryan Lindley have been worse over the last six weeks than Freeman. If the Bucs want to take the next step forward, they’re going to need someone better than Josh Freeman has been in three of his four seasons. I’ve seen enough to move on; has Greg Schiano and Mark Dominik?

$.05--Saturday night featured a record-breaking performance in Detroit from Calvin Johnson. Megatron blew past Jerry Rice for the single season receiving yardage record. He needed 182. He got 225. In the process of breaking that record, Johnson also set a couple of others. It was his eighth straight game with at least 100 yards, a new record. It was also his 11th 100-yard effort of the season, another record.

It’s been a fantastic individual season for Calvin Johnson. It’s even more impressive when you consider receiving options 2, 3, 4, and 5 for the Lions have all been out for extended periods. The supporting receivers the last three weeks have been Mike Thomas and Kris Durham, a Jaguars castoff (bad as it sounds) and a guy who couldn’t stick on Seattle’s practice squad as a 4th round draft pick a year ago. Even with coverages rolled his way and doubled up, Johnson has pumped up the greatest volume in NFL history. Yet for as awesome as it has been for Johnson, it comes in a devastating season for the Lions.

Detroit lost once again, falling 31-18 to Atlanta for their 7th loss in a row. This one was decided on the first three plays, when the Lions had to burn a timeout on 2nd down because of shuffling offensive linemen, then had to rush the 3rd down snap for more personnel shuffling and breaking the huddle late. Atlanta was quite clearly the better team in all phases, and other than a brief gasp of life in the 3rd quarter there was little hope for Lions fans. The only drama next week is if Matt Stafford can become the first QB to throw for 5000 or more yards in consecutive seasons. He needs 305 against Chicago. With his fourth pass next week, Stafford will set the record for most passing attempts in a season. With 108 yards, Johnson will become the first receiver to top 2000 yards in a season. If ever you needed proof that individual accomplishments mean nothing in team sports, I give you Calvin Johnson and the 2012 Detroit Lions.

$.06--In another game where the on-field play was a major letdown from the hype and potential, Baltimore blasted the Giants 33-14. It wasn’t that close. 

This game prompted an interesting discourse with my 7-year old son. Layne was flummoxed by this one because it apparently goes against everything he’s gleaned from me as my (no-so) little football watching assistant.

“But Daddy, I thought you said the Giants were always really good at this time of year.”

“But Daddy, I thought you said Joe Flacco was gonna choke like he always does when the Ravens need him to be good. He looks really good today.”

“But Daddy, I thought you said the Ravens defense was too beat up. How come the Giants can’t do anything?”

“But Daddy, I thought you said it would be good for the Texans (his team) to play the Ravens in the playoffs because their coaches forget about Ray Rice and because Ray Lewis is toast”

Sorry son, I don’t know how to counter all those perfectly valid observations. I suspect Tom Coughlin wonders those same things. I bet he really wonders what the hell happened to the Elite Eli Manning, who once again was terrible despite facing a badly undermanned defense. His receivers didn’t help much, with several throws bouncing off their hands and shoulders. As bad as Eli & Co. were, cornerback Corey Webster was worse. Now the Giants need serious help to make the playoffs; they must beat the Eagles and have Minnesota, Chicago, and Dallas all lose. Looks like the Giants will not get a chance to defend their Super Bowl title thanks to Baltimore playing like a legit Super Bowl team.

$.07--Awards

Offense: In the spirit of giving, I’m honoring three eminently worthy players this week: Drew Brees, Joe Flacco, and Peyton Manning. All three quarterbacks were excellent in victory. Jamaal Charles was outstanding in rushing for 226 yards on 22 carries for the Chiefs, but they lost to Indianapolis. To quote Sean Connery from The Rock, “Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and f*** the prom queen.” The Rock, now that’s a good movie! 

Defense: Janoris Jenkins. The Rams rookie CB got his third pick-six of the season, intercepting Josh Freeman and taking it to the house from 41 yards to give the Rams the lead they would not relinquish. Jenkins was also solid against the run and deflected another pass that forced a punt.

Special Teams: Kevin Huber. The Bengals punter kicked the ball six times. His 64-yarder pinned the Steelers at their own two and set up Leon Hall’s pick six, Cincy’s only TD. His next punt was downed at the two, flipping the field and setting up a field goal. Punts of 57 and 59 yards in the second half of a defensive struggle gave the Bengals a decided advantage in field position. On the day he averaged 53 yards per punt and had four downed inside the 20. 

Assistant Coach: Tom Clements. The Packers Offensive Coordinator could do no wrong in dialing up plays as his team rolled to a 55-7 victory over hapless Tennessee. Aaron Rodgers and friends were the hot knife, the Tennessee defense the soft butter all day long. I would have given this to Packers Defensive Coordinator Dom Capers, but they lost the shutout late. Incredibly impressive win by Green Bay, peaking at the right time this season. 

$.08--5 NFL Quickies

1. The Arizona Cardinals have not had a quarterback throw a touchdown pass since November 4th, but QB is not their only issue. They are gunning to become the first team ever to finish dead last in both yards per carry and yards per attempt in the same season. That is symptomatic of poor line play, lack of talent at RB, and an inability by the coaching staff to fabricate production. They need major changes; only the receivers and rookie RT Bobby Massie should be playing on this team next year.

2. Didn’t see one second of it, didn’t even see a highlight as of writing time (just after the 4PM games ended) but I’m stunned at the following stat from the Chargers/Jets game: Jets rookie QB Greg McElroy was sacked 11 times in his first start. Eleven sacks?!? That’s a quick ticket to the bus station for Mr. McElroy. Amazing to think the Jets could very well have three new QBs on the roster next year.

3. Arian Foster left Houston’s flat-line loss to Minnesota early because of an irregular heartbeat. As someone who suffers from the same malady, I trust he will have no trouble being back next week and in the playoffs. The Texans have a much larger problem: the right side of the offensive line. Since backups Ryan Harris and Ben Jones took over for injured starters at tackle and guard, the line has gone from an asset to a liability. The inability for anyone not named Andre Johnson to ever get open for Matt Schaub is a close second in the reasons why the Texans are definitely trending in the wrong direction heading into the playoffs.

4. Philly fans hoping that Nick Foles might be the long-term answer at quarterback got a cold dose of reality in the tough loss to Washington. Just as he did in college, Foles gives you intermittent bright flashes of looking like a very good QB. But the lightning crashes in a cacophony of thunder and rains disappointment. Foles had several chances to make plays late, but was wildly off target on some and couldn’t handle pressure from the Washington front on others. He’s nothing more than a backup, albeit one that can provide a legit spark off the bench.

5. File this one away for next season: whenever the Patriots are double-digit favorites on the road late in the year, take the points and count your winnings. In a seemingly annual rite of passage, New England very nearly lost to a lowly opponent in a flat performance, this time in Jacksonville. It took two terrible plays by Chad Henne to facilitate a New England win. Stuff that in your stocking and buy something nice for a needy kid next year!