By Robert Carroll 10) Don't be the guy who makes stupid trade offers Every league has one of these guys. Just because you offer me Justin Fargas, Cedric Houston, Rams D, and the future rights to an Ernest Byner comeback doesn't mean I'm going to trade you Larry Johnson. Let's put it this way: If I were to offer you Valerie Harper, Kathy Lee Gifford, Margaret Cho, and a sadly past her prime Yasmine Bleeth, would you give me Brooke Burke in return? Nope, you wouldn't, even if she is pregnant with David Charvet's kid. Bottom line: A lot of players with minimal talent don't equal A+ talent in return. Keep that in mind before you make a ridiculous trade offer that's destined to get a profanity laced tirade in return. 9) Let's smarten up the trash talk This is what I like to call a karma rule. If you talk lame trash, then you're not going to win. While I don't have any Bill James-ish stats to back this up, I do have a little equation I've been working on: Fred Taylor jokes + you = losing fantasy football season. Yes, we all know, Fred Taylor gets hurt a lot, but the Taylor material is getting shorter than a Jessica Simpson skirt. Clearly, anyone who is drafting Taylor isn't exactly fantasy savvy if they're spending anything more than a late round pick on him. I do, however, happily endorse mocking anyone who drafts Curtis Martin. 8) Running backs should be your first two picks I don't even know why I'm saying this, but I am. In case you missed it: RUNNING BACKS ARE IMPORTANT!!! To put it another way: If we were playing the new game I'm trying to get off the ground, "Fantasy Celebrity menage a trois," would you pass on drafting Jessica Alba with your first pick and then the always dependable Denise Richards with your second (seems like she'd be available at this spot), or would you wait until a later round and end up with Goldie Hawn? You'd be kicking yourself for not drafting Richards, and you'll be equally upset with yourself when you don't bother getting a second quality runner. The running back position is THIN this year, so get them while they are there. It's great having a dependable guy like Peyton Manning on your team, but there's lots of other guys that are good at QB. And sometimes patience is rewarding. I picked Tom Brady in the 5th round of my most recent fantasy draft, after having already drafted Tiki Barber and Willis McGahee with my first two picks. That said... 7) Don't wait too long to get a QB I've broken this rule too many times, so I'm passing my wisdom on to you. Get a top tier quarterback while they're still there. I typically like to wait until at least the fifth round to get a QB, but you have to feel out the vibe of your draft room. If McNabb is flying off the board in round two, you might want to reconsider your strategy. All the fantasy experts preach that you can wait to get a talented QB, that top QB's don't get you that many more points than the mid-round guys, and while these are both true, which situation would you rather be in: Draft Hasselbeck a little earlier than you may usually want a QB, or take a shot on Vick, Brees, Leftwich, or Plummmer? No disrespect to any of those top 20 QB's who will all likely do some good things this season, but I'd rather go into battle each each with a rough idea of what to expect, rather than spending the better part of my Saturday wondering who I should start. 6) Defense wins championships. Seriosuly. Last year, the Chicago D was good for roughly 200 fantasy points, depending on your league scoring. Any idea how many receivers went over 200 points last year? Probably at least 5-10, right? Guess again. One. Steve Smith. Next closest was Larry Fitzgerald, with 198. And if you draft RB's with your first two picks, chances are, you're not getting those guys and you'll be picking from a slew of WR's that score about 150/year (Ward, Burress, Houshmandzadeh). So why not draft a D early when you'll probably get some great return on investment? Obviosuly, guessing what D is going to be good isn't all that easy, but for this year, there's no reason you shouldn't give some early round consideration to Chicago, Pittsburgh, Washington, or Carolina. 5) Kickers can wait Yes, Adam Vinatieri is good. Yes, Neil Rackers scored a ton of points last year. But there's tons of good NFL kickers out there. There's absolutely no reason to waste an early pick on a kicker. Stock up on RB and WR and then wait until the last few rounds, if not the last to get your kicker. The point differential between the best kickers and the other kickers is so minimal, and more importantly, so unpredictable, you're better off trying to shore up the rest of your offense. 4) Have a plan I don't care what it is, but please, go into your draft with a plan. You'll be happy you did. For some, this is common sense, for others it seems a little dorky. Err on the side of being a dork by making your draft board or a draft cheat sheet. Write down players that you're specifically targetting, and decide at what spot that they'd be a good pick. Have backup plans for when those players go off the board, but you still need to fill that position. You'll feel a lot better knowing who you want instead, rather than freaking out and not knowing what you should do. Your draft is your ONE CHANCE to make a solid roster from top to bottom, don't blow it because you wanted to spent 24 consecutive hours playing Madden 07. 3) Stockpile WR's This is my big strategy for this season. Grab WR's, and a lot of them. There's a lot of talented guys out there that are going to be floating around in the later rounds, and one of them that's going to have a big season. Guys like: Drew Bennett, Mark Clayton, David Givens, Keyshawn Johnson, Michael Clayton, Derrick Mason, Isaac Bruce, and Joe Jurevicius. These are all guys you'll be happy to have when your starter goes down with an injury or when you need some trade bait. 2) Stalk the waiver wire Your season depends on it. Obviously your wife or girlfriend will probably start loving you a little less for this, but if you're in a hardcore league, football is your job on Sunday. When the 3rd string RB from Philly runs for 125 yards and a TD after Brian Westbrook gets hurt, you need that guy, either for your own team, or to pawn off on whoever had Westbrook. You can sell those guys above value (think Willie Parker last year) and really solidify your team. 1) Get your goose on Most of all, just have some fun with it. You can read predictions and stuff all that you want, but at the end of the day, you have no control over the game. Every week something happens that can make or break a player's season: blown ACL, ankle sprains, or even getting caught cheating on one of their booty calls. And that's stuff that you have nothing to do with. If you've followed my other advice, put together a solid draft, then you should have a competitive team every week and have a shot on the playoffs, where anything can happen. And if all else fails, just remember the wise words of Maurice Clarrett, "I gotta get my goose on."