The NFL Draft is less than a week away, putting us in the heart of rampant rumor season.

Instead of another mock draft that will have to be revised on a whim, this time I offer to you 32 predictions on the draft as a whole. Some of these are rooted in conversations I’ve had with NFL personnel or prominent media members. Others are semi-educated guesses. Some still are just wild shots in the dark, ideas that came into my head while sitting in the sauna a little too long.

These are in no particular order. You will note that some of these might directly contradict others.

Without further ado…

1. The Cleveland Browns will not take a quarterback at No. 4…or No. 26. They will take WR Mike Evans with the fourth pick, but if they trade back then they will use that acquired pick to select Derek Carr. If they do take Evans (or Sammy Watkins) at four, then they will trade up from the 26^th pick to snare Carr or, if he falls below 11^th, Johnny Manziel.

2. The St. Louis Rams will trade out of both their current first-round slots, falling back from both 2^nd and 13^th overall. One of those picks will go for a safety, the other for an offensive lineman. They will spend one of the freshly acquired extra picks on a quarterback, too.

3. Virginia Tech quarterback Logan Thomas will be drafted before Pittsburgh quarterback Tom Savage, both in the second round. That sound you will hear is Gil Brandt’s resigned sigh that he’s getting increasingly untrustworthy information from his feeders.

4. The Dallas Cowboys will trade up from the 16^th pick. While Jerry Jones harbors dreams of Johnny Manziel, he’ll have to settle for moving up to 10^th and taking Pittsburgh defensive tackle Aaron Donald, costing Jones a third round pick this year and next.

5. In a development that will make Mike Mayock howl at the moon, offensive tackles Zack Martin and JuWuan James will be drafted before Taylor Lewan. James will be a surprise top 25 overall pick.

6. Teddy Bridgewater will sneak into the bottom of the first round, either to the Texans or Jaguars trading up a few spots. Neither Houston nor Jacksonville have serious interest in using their top 5 picks on quarterbacks.

7. The New York Jets will use two of their first three picks on pass catchers. They really like LSU WR Odell Beckham Jr., but he won’t be available at No. 18. North Carolina TE Eric Ebron surprisingly will be, and he will be the pick. If he’s gone too, it’s Brandin Cooks. They’ll take a corner, Clemson’s Bashaud Breeland if he’s available, in the second round.

8. Ohio State’s Carlos Hyde will be the first running back selected, but he won’t hear his name called until the Bengals take him with the 55^th overall pick. Five RBs will be drafted in the fourth round.

9. I don’t have a good feel for where he will be drafted (maybe the 60-75 overall range) but whenever Florida State DB Lamarcus Joyner is drafted, be prepared for soliloquies waxing about his skills, size, and lack of a defined position to Honey Badger Tyrann Mathieu. As a guess, he winds up in San Francisco.

10.  Speaking of the 49ers, they do make the rumored big move up. They package together four picks and move all the way up to #9 overall in order to draft LSU wideout Odell Beckham Jr.. Buffalo falls back and winds up taking UCLA guard Xavier Su’a-Filo with SF’s first rounder, then nab Washington tight end Austin Seferian-Jenkins quickly thereafter with some of the bonus picks.

11.  The first player drafted that was not invited to the Combine will be McGill offensive tackle Laurent Duvernay-Tardif. He was just as awesome during Shrine Game practices this year as Terron Armstead was in 2013. The Canuck will come off the board in the first five picks of the fourth round.

12.  Both the New England Patriots and Denver Broncos trade out of the first round entirely. Denver will fall back and select Colorado State center Weston Richburg, while the Patriots scoop up one of the draft’s biggest unexpected fallers, Alabama linebacker C.J. Mosley.

13.  The Detroit Lions will not pick at No. 10, where they are currently slotted. If they trade up, it will not be higher than 4^th and they will shock folks by not using that pick on Clemson WR Sammy Watkins. If they trade back, Alabama safety Ha Ha Clinton-Dix is the pick if it’s before 14, while Ohio State LB Ryan Shazier gets the nod if it’s after 15.

14.  No cornerbacks under 5’11” will be drafted in the first 35 picks. That means both Jason Verrett and Darqueze Dennard fall even though their skills scream first round pick.

15.  Much to the chagrin of their fan base, the Oakland Raiders will not select a quarterback before the 6^th round. Frustrating the Black Hole even further will be the fact that the Raiders will use a second-day pick on a prospect that nobody expected to rise above the 5^th round, perhaps Missouri wideout L’Damian Washington.

16.  There will wind up being 6 trades involving first round picks, but 11 different second-round picks will be dealt as teams zero in on specific targets. The New York Giants will not be one of the teams making a deal.

17.  Two players with significant off-field flags will defy the odds and wind up being drafted in the fifth round. Oregon tight end Colt Lyerla (for fun Google his name and my name) and Alabama State running back Isaiah Crowell are both convicts who were kicked off college teams, but they both offer serious on-field talent that some teams will find too tempting to resist. Lyerla would have been my #2 tight end if not for his multiple off-field issues. And despite our checkered interactions, I’m sincerely rooting for him to get his life together and make it.

18.  The Seattle Seahawks’ first two picks will both come from players not listed on Mel Kiper’s or Mike Mayock’s top 10 players available at the time of the selection. John Schneider and Pete Carroll have their own very distinct draft board, and they stick to it no matter how crazy it might seem. They’re right to do so too, because it’s clearly working.

19.  Even though most mock drafts project them to take either a quarterback or offensive lineman in the first round, the Arizona Cardinals will not dip into either pool before the fourth round. They will take a safety and a pass rusher before then. If he’s still available, and he should be based on his knee injury and Tebow-esque ball placement on his throws, LSU’s Zach Mettenberger will be their 4^th round pick.

20.  No matter what team takes them, the fan bases will openly jeer and immediately call for heads to roll when the teams select Alabama QB A.J. McCarron and Florida State wide receiver Kelvin Benjamin. If they wind up on the same team (hello Tampa Bay!), God help the general manager that makes that happen.

21.  Five kickers will be drafted, beginning with Rice’s Chris Boswell near the end of the fifth round. Only one punter, Iowa State’s Kirby Van Der Kamp, will be drafted. Fun fact: he holds the Big 12 records for most punts, most 50+ yard punts, and most punts downed inside the 20. You’ll see that in a snazzy graphic when he gets picked.

22.  Over/under on number of hours of sleep I get from 4 PM Thursday to 12 PM Sunday: +/- 6.5. Bet the under.

23.  In prior years I’ve forecast open acrimony between McShay and Kiper on ESPN’s broadcast. Not this year. Everything will be eerily hunky-dory and conciliatory between the prominent draftniks, who disagree a lot more than they agree.

24.  Even though they’re still loaded at the position despite letting Darren Sproles go, the New Orleans Saints will be one of the first five teams to draft a running back. It will be Auburn’s Tre Mason or Washington’s Bishop Sankey, though I think Northern Arizona’s shifty Zach Bauman is a perfect fit.

25.  Fear of durability woes push Alabama tackle Cyrus Kouandjio, Florida defensive tackle Dominique Easley and Rice cornerback Phillip Gaines a lot further down draft boards than many people expect. Each winds up coming off the board a round later than projected, which means Kouandjio in the late 2^nd, Easley in the mid 3^rd, and Gaines in the late 4^th. The Green Bay Packers will take two of them.

26.  The Washington Ethnic Slurs will tab BYU linebacker Kyle Van Noy with their first pick, and will not find a trade partner to take quarterback Kirk Cousins off their hands.

27.  No final mock draft on any major media outlet will have more than 11 picks completely correct. By that I mean player/slot/team projections. My own, which will come out late Wed. night, will have no more than 7 correct. This is a crazy year for mock drafts; I have more sources with more teams than ever before, but the common refrain even one week out is “I’m not really sure because the team isn’t sure what’s going to happen”. Enjoy the unpredictable fun, folks!

28.  The Pittsburgh Steelers will draft either North Carolina TE Eric Ebron or Oklahoma State CB Justin Gilbert in the first round. They will then take a player of the opposite position with their 2^nd round pick, followed by a wide receiver over 6’2” with their next pick.

29.  Three different teams will defy conventional wisdom and draft multiple players at the same position in the first four rounds. One of those will be the New England Patriots, who double down on tight ends. One of those will be C.J. Fiedorowicz from Iowa.

30.  The Radio City Music Hall crowd will be livelier and diverse this year, which means reactions will be raucous for more than just when the teams of the AFC & NFC East divisions pick. The draft has become a vacation destination for draft die-hards, which is why Commissioner Goodell wants to extend it to a four-day event.

31.  The Indianapolis Colts, who already traded away their 1^st round pick, will also trade out of the second round in order to add additional picks. They will draft a safety and an interior offensive lineman with their first two selections. USC’s Marcus Martin is a top target.

32.  My pick for Mr. Irrelevant is Michigan State wide receiver Bennie Fowler. He will linger on a practice squad for a year but never see live action in a regular-season game. For a fun chance to prove your draft mettle, check out the Mr. Irrelevant contest at Detroit Lions Draft.