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Overtime Fine Print

Authored by Randolph Charlotin - 25th March, 2010 - 4:30 pm

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Back when the XFL played that one season of football, they had the best overtime system: Four downs to score from 20 yards out. If the first team scored in less than four downs, the following team could either match the score in an equal number of plays to extend OT or score in less plays to win. It was a quick way to resolve a tie and entertaining thanks to the increased challenge.

As much as I liked that format, I didn?t want it in my NFL. Real football doesn?t need gimmick overtime rules.

So it?s to my dismay that the NFL passed new overtime rules that possibly gives both teams the ball if certain stipulations are met:

If the first team scores an offensive touchdown, game over. But if they kick a field goal, the other team gets the ball. If both teams kick field goals, the game then becomes sudden death.

In other words, it?s gimmick football. Why this instead of playing one more period? They say it?s fairer than sudden death. But it?s not so when you read the complete playoff overtime rules with all the stipulations in the fine print:

? The coin toss is eliminated for overtime. The first offense to get the ball is determined alphabetically. The quarterback whose third letter in his last name comes first gets the ball. So for Indianapolis vs. New England, BrAdy comes before MaNning.

? The mascot becomes an eligible player in overtime. If the mascot scores a touchdown, the value of the score doubles.

? A drop-kick field goal is worth four points.

? If the moon is going to be full later that night, both teams must perform the ?Thriller? dance routine like the Philippines prisoners before the overtime kickoff. Synchronization matters.

? Coaches get a red flag for video review and a paisley flag for a play re-do. It allows one down to be replayed over if the coach doesn?t like the result. For instance, if a turnover results in a game-deciding touchdown. Using the paisley flag allows the down to be played over as if the play never happened. One important note: the opposing coach can?t use his re-do flag to un-do a re-do.

? To prevent a delay of game penalty, a famous television hero, like MacGyver or Jack Bauer, can be called in to buy the team enough time to snap the ball before the clock hits zero.

? Stick-um is allowed, making Minnesota?s Adrian Peterson a more secure ball carrier or Darius Heyward-Bey a better receiver if the Raiders ever reach the playoffs during his career.

? Having a celebrity girlfriend is worth 10 yards of field position every time a camera puts her on TV.

? Coach-to-player radio communications can be intercepted and used to a team?s advantage.

? Quarterback sacks are illegal. Instead they will wear five flags. All five flags must be pulled from the passer and arranged on the ground in a star formation for the play to be ruled dead. The location of the star marks where the ball will be placed.

Questions? Comments? Send to talktome@randolphc.com

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