| Randolph Charlotin. 14th November, 2008 - 11:33 am
 Earlier this week on Dancing With the Stars, former sprinter Maurice Greene was eliminated, leaving former boy band member Lance Bass, “Hanna Montana” co-star Cody Linley, model-turned-actress Brooke Burke, and former NFL 1999 Defensive Player of the Year Warren Sapp as the semifinalists.
The producers of “DWTS” have a thang for former NFL players. In previous seasons Jerry Rice finished third, Emmitt Smith became a champion, and Jason Taylor participated while still an active NFL player.
It’s great that former NFL players are finding new ways to satisfy their competitive side. And competitive ballroom dancing is a great way to fulfill that urge and a fun way to keep in shape. I know because I took a ballroom dancing class and I had a lot of fun (and I got an A. Who’s da Man?).
But despite the national interest in the program, I haven’t watched a minute of it. Not this season and none of the previous ones. It was funny to watch ballroom dancing competitions on PBS as a kid, but I tend to avoid it now. I think a quick glimpse of former boxing heavyweight champion Evander Holyfield trying to dance scarred me for life.
The point is, DWTS can continue to recruit as many ex-footballers as they want and I won’t get drawn in. This is the case for a lot of football fans across the country. No matter how many retired NFL players prove the footwork needed to play on Sundays transitions smoothly to from the field to hardwood floors, they won’t watch.
But if DWTS keeps calling players who hung up their cleats, the NFL needs to step in. They are missing out on an excellent cross-promotional opportunity. Football players can dance. Why not have them dance in a NFL competition?
Here’s the pitch: Dancing With Stars on the NFL Network. Sure it’s a shameless rip-off of Dancing With the Stars, but the league can do things to make their competition different from ABC’s hugely popular series:
Step 1: Pit former players that were long time divisional rivals every season. For instance, season one would have Buffalo’s Bruce Smith, New England’s Bruce Armstrong, Miami’s Dan Marino, and New York Jets’ Al Toon. They already want to win, but the intensity would go way up as they don’t want to lose to long time foes.
Step 2: Add stars. Each participant selects a current player for their former team, specifically a hard hitter. Either before the dance begins or :35 seconds into the dance, that current player takes a clean shot at the dancing player, hoping to give the dancer “stars.” With his bell rung (no smelling salts until after the music stops), he must complete his routine. Only one opponent, selected at random, per dance. So Marino won’t get crushed by Bills DT Marcus Stroud, Jets S Kerry Rhodes, and Patriots LB Adalius Thomas simultaneously.
Step 3: Use league officials. Someone has to pick up the tackled player quickly and make him finish his routine and make sure they maintain the correct footwork for the dance. Even Ed Hochuli will be there. So when former Denver Bronco Bill Romanowski changes from a waltz to an electric cobra dance due to San Diego LB Shawn Merriman leveling him, Hochuli completely blows the call.
Step 4: NFL rules apply. No head shots and no hitting at or below the knee. Most likely these former players had enough concussions and leg surgeries during their career. They don’t need any more.
Step 5: There will be fines. League disciplinarian Greg Aiello still watches for anything dirty or any post-game comments that seemingly attack the integrity of the competition. His authority will only get undermined as commissioner Roger Goodell repeatedly rescinds the fines.
Step 6: No performance enhancers. Don’t get extra lessons from the likes of Chad Johnson or Billy “White Shoes” Johnson. And, unless it’s for medical reasons, no Dr. Scholl’s products in the shoes. Players won’t be better dancers if they’re gellin’ or by adding cushioning. But the league still would accuse cheaters of sole enhancement.
That’s just a few ideas to get the marketing execs at the league offices going. Believe me, this could take off. Besides appealing to the hardcore fan base, it would draw in new fans that watch for the dancing.
Don’t let ABC make money off of your former players, NFL. It’s a tough economy. Find new ways to generate revenue. This would be the best idea since handing over the production of the NFL Cheerleader Competition to Playboy.
For more by Randolph Charlotin, check out his blog at http://www.newenglandpatriotsnews.com/randolphc/weblog/. He can be contacted at lordrc@verizon.net. |
