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| Robert Kornhauser. 8th October, 2007 - 5:12 pm
 I hope you?re taking this all in Billy Boy. All of this popularity. All of this fame. We, as fans, all know your game. You?re the quiet genius of football, letting you?re winning do all the talking. You squash controversy as soon as it rears its ugly head, and then you?re simply ?looking to next week?s game.? But this season, the talk hasn?t swirled around your players like it normally does. Tom Brady has an illegitimate son? Not headline material. Randy Moss resurrecting his career as one of the greatest receivers ever? Eh, push it to page two.
Bill, you?ve become the last thing you ever wanted: you?re sexy. The topic of you evokes opinions from everyone this season. You?re a walking bowl of oatmeal Bill, yet somehow you?ve been the most talked about fellow around the league this side of Michael Vick. That?s a pretty epic feat for a guy who cuts the sleeves off of his sweatshirts and talks like a high school chemistry teacher. You?ve somehow had one hell of NFL season, and it?s only week five. So I?ll tell you why you?ve become the celebrity you never, ever wanted to be.
Let?s start with the positive here: you currently coach the best team in professional football. After a Yankeesesque off season in which you and the Patriots picked up Randy Moss, Adalius Thomas, Donte Stollworth, and Wes Welker, and retained important players like Assante Samuel and Junior Seau, everyone knew you?re team would be good, maybe the best.
Well - after five weeks of football, we know you?re team is the best. Manhandled is a good verb that comes to mind when looking at their first five performances of this young season. No actually it?s a great verb. Through five games, you have outscored your opponents 182-65.
Tom Brady is off to another spectacular year, and of course you have made Randy Moss, well, Randy Moss again. The guy who used to take plays off and hit meter maids with his escalades has now become the perfect team player. Randy is leading the world in touchdowns and yards, but the most important statistic doesn?t show up in the box score: 0 Randy Moss freakouts. He has kept his mouth shut and has transformed into his old self, and I can?t help but think that you, Bill, had something to do with this.
The defense has been just as spectacular, confusing opposing offenses with newer formations and blitzes. Sure Bill, we all know you?ve won three Super Bowls. But this is you?re most amazing feat; being able to manage all of this talent is downright awe-inspiring. Teams who get a handful of stars in an off-season aren?t supposed to gel so quickly, become a team so early in the season. You?re head and shoulders above any team in the league right now and sports reporters are basically handing you the Lombardy a month into the season. All your three rings were won under the shroud of underdoggedness, but now you?re a star. You?re the prom queen. Pat yourself on your back Billy, go ahead, do it?
But being the coach of the best team in football doesn?t throw your name into dinner conversations or water cooler banter al over the country. Oh dear, you?ve also been a bad boy this season. This whole ?Spygate? epidemic, as overblown as it may very well be, has been a very intriguing little situation for you. Everyone knows that you don?t like to take center stage. You even hide on Sundays behind your hideous gray hood. But now we know something you don?t want us to. You have broken the rules of the game you have succeeded in and respect so much your entire life. And you don?t know how to take the pressure. Your news conference after Eric Mangini?s allegations was pathetic. You answered no questions, made no attempt to define or react to anything. For this was a sure sign that you couldn?t hide behind the winning this time. You couldn?t hide behind pretty boy Tom Brady or any other player. There was no gray hood for you to curl up in until the boogey men and women in the crowd stopped berating you with questions. The cameras and microphones were all pointed at you. We all know what you said in your statement Bill. Nothing, nothing at all. This was your first real mistake as a coach in this league, and the first time we as fans have seen you vulnerable.
This discovery of your cheating doesn?t make your three super bowls tainted or cheap. It simply confirms what a lot of fans out there have been thinking for a while: you?re a dick, Bill Belicheck. You don?t need to steal signs from other defenses, you have the best team in the league on both sides of the ball. And I?ll admit that this ?cheating? gave only a slight edge to you, and would only be valuable in future games against the Jets. But now you?re becoming unlikable, and for the first time, interesting. You?re name has become a regular icon on the PTI schedule board, and it doesn?t seem to be going anywhere. People love you and hate you, respect you and curse your name and your ethics. So let?s see what happens. You?ve conquered Peyton Manning, LT and rest of the league your entire coaching career, but you?ve never done it in the spotlight personally. Instead of watching all game tape this week, I suggest pop in some footage of Terrell Owens. I?m not talking about video of him playing, I?m talking about interviews of him talking and performing to crowds of reporters. He?s the best at being at being loved, hated and loved to be hated. Start taking notes. |
