| Craig Johnson. 24th January, 2006 - 12:02 am
 Well, it’s time to give all my faithful fans everything that I have held them in suspense for. It’s my Washington Redskins 2005-2006 year in review article. I know many of you may have thought that I was done. I wasn’t done. It was all about making you wait for the same exact thing I was waiting for. Waiting and wanting brings great joy to us fans, and we waited and wanted, and got what we needed. Here is just a little something extra that we will need to get us through until next year.
Week 1: Da’ Bears come to town: “The defense saves the day”
Wow~ I believe I started this saga with the hopes of Patrick Ramsey, turning into Joe Theismann. Guess what? I won’t ever stop crying that. After a sub-par outing by the offense that was led by Ramsey which left many fans (Anthony~the only fan that comes to mind. Yet remember this fellas’ name because he may be an answer to “I know the Skins best quiz”) screaming for the entrance of Brunell, happy. I will once again remind you that if Chicago linebacker Lance Briggs hadn’t knocked Patrick out of the game, our 9-6 victory would have been much more lopsided. That was disgusting. There was no flag and Dick Stockton still swears Brunell’s first name is Scott. Wait, so does Anthony! HEH!
Week 2: It wasn’t a beer tree, but hot damn it was a miracle: “Cowgirls”
This was the week everyone wasn’t afraid to wear that Redskins jersey to work on Tuesday. It did not matter whether it was Bobby Mitchell, Charley Taylor, Darrell Green or Sonny Jurgeson. We won and won with resilience. There was no Troy, Emmitt, and Micheal saving them. Santana Moss made every Skins fans feel like saying, “It’s the eye of the tiger.” Guess what neighborhood chumps? My signs still standing. HEH!
Week 3: The Bye Week: “THIS THE YEAR! I JUST KNOW IT!
We stand at 2-0, and Gibbs is the man.
Week 4: Pesky Seagulls taste the dose of Alka Seltzer: “Novack kicks”
Mike Sellars appears to be the hero stepping up scoring a touchdown that looked like the Skins were well on their way to victory, but it was former Maryland Terps kicker Nick Novack who won the game in overtime. HAIL TO THE REDSKINS!
Week 5: Hey Ref: Tuck Yo’ Mama: “The Refs blow a big one”
I swear I am still crying about this. Now that the playoffs have ended, why does Denver get every call? If the refs didn’t screw us on this, then look at the rest of our season + our record. Gibbs has every right to hunt down the system~ which always fails you.
Week 6: The Offensive Explosion: “Say Hello to my disguise”
Clinton Portis gave all Skins fans something to look forward to. Every Thursday antics became accustomed. Very aware of not reaching the end zone Portis drew attention to “Doctor Don’t know”, and scored three times helping the Skins demolishes the 49ers. This was also the game that we unleashed the “Pitbull” LaVar Arrington, who rocked rookie Alex Smiths’ world. Just what the doctor ordered.
Week 6: Kiss my Beef Wellington: “Tiki torched us”
Let’s just fast-forward to My Aunt, Dawn Brown’s voo-doo doll, of Tiki later in the season. I swear I can come up with a better story.
Week 7: The Circus is in Tampa: “Clowns are entering the building”
The doot-doot-doo-da-da-doot-da-da doot-doot~ music fell upon us. Remember Mike Alstott got credited for 18 inches when he only got fifteen inches. Well, when I spoke to his wife after the game she claimed that he only had three inches! For some reason I believe her! 15-18=3. But the music only gets louder. I swear Tampa is the Capitol for the Circus.
Week 8: The Randy and Show-less Raiders: “Anthony not a Redskins Fan”
This is irrelevant, but I swear this week my cousin was a scumbag. He’s the only person I grew up with in Maryland that roots for the Raiders. Okay, Schmuck, even twits win once. HEH!
Week 9: The fat bearded lady: “ For some reason, I couldn’t hit a bearded man”
If I did mayhem would have irrupted. For some reason it’s not hard to be the second smallest Redskins fans (second to short shirley~ and even if you heard me say that she was my grandma, she’ll tell you she’s too young. Ain’t that right short Shirley?) In the joint and not want to see a fat man who lives down by the river, chase a young stallion like me. In second thought~ I believe Aunt Cookie, that story was for your entertainment, just imagine seeing an elephant chasing a tiger at the National Zoo. The only thing funny about that is he is still a fat bearded lady that I would still pay money to see! By the way fat lady~ where have you been? I told you Santa saw you and post-season would not be! HEH! But the greatest HEH! THERE COULD BE! San Diego Chargers ~ Where are you!
Week 10: The Ramless~Rams: “Four-and-one, we are done”
Unable to focus on what we have the chance to do, I steadily drink beer with my “BEER THIRTY-CREW.” My Cousin David brings a point about Harvard boy Ryan Fitzpatrick and his gay little boyfriend~Patrick Fitzryan. Even if the ambiguously gay duo of him and Issac Bruce did show up, my other cousin Olivia had the salt poured over all of shoulders that kept all evil away.
Week 11: Just In Case anyone worried: “It was the Rock in Us”
Not quite like Jay-Z and the Roc-a-Fella-crew. It was more like the presidency crew of Portis and a vice-president candidate by the name of Rock Cartwright. Suddenly after this game I believe we all felt it. It has been a hard knock-life, where every player had turned into a “Renegade” which even made Tupac reincarnate his song “Changes” into a team fulfilled environment. HERE WE COME AND YOU CANNOT STOP US NOW! HAIL TO THE REDSKINS!
Week 12: Epitome of a season in the making: “Thirteen Years in the waiting”
We did it and did what is our Super Bowl. Skins are for real. Have I told you that THIS IS THE YEAR! I JUST KNOW IT! Indians Scalped the Cowboys For Bill Parcells worst lost ever. The same week “Broke BACK Cowboy Mountain~Starring Clinton Portis.
Week 13: Dear Mama: All I want for Christmas”
Guess who came through? The one the only…My mom. All I asked for was a win. I got it and more. Dawn, I swear I smell Tiki on fire. Didn’t he get burned? Santana and Clinton approach records of Bobby Mitchell and Stephen Davis, plus make it for real. Almost time to get “CRUNK”!
Week 14: Here are some tips for you Mama McNabb: “Can’t stop us now”
Hail TO MY SKINS! WE ARE ON OUR WAY! 6-0 AND LOVE THE WAY WE FEEL. HAIL TO THE REDSKINS !
PLAYOFFS: WE BEAT TAMPA AND THEN LOST TO SEATTLE, BUT GUESS WHAT? THIS WAS THE YEAR AND HEH, I TOLD YOU! NEXT YEAR IS ANOTHER DAY.
I know the Skins the best:
1. What Maryland fan is a player hater?
a. My cousin Anthony
b. My cousin Vinny
c. My cousin Clinton
2. Clinton beat whose record for yards rushing in a season?
a. John Riggins
b. Stephen Davis
c. Joe Washington
d. Timmy Smith
3. Santana Moss broke whose record?
a. Art Monk
b. Gary Clark
c. Bobby Mitchell
d. Charley Taylor
4. What Redskins player played all 20 years with the Skins?
a. Sonny Jurgeson
b. Darrell Green
c. Joe Mattarotte ( Dad that’s for you)
d. Charlie Brown
5. My favorite Redskins ever?
a. Joe Theismann
b. Darrell Green
c. Art Monk
d. Monte Coleman
e. ALL OF THE ABOVE
6. Who knocked Dallas QB Danny White out?
a. Dexter Manley
b. Charles Mann
c. Dave Butz
d. Wilbur Marshall
7. Who Is the All- time Skins leader in All-Purpose yards?
a. Mike Nelms
b. Brian Mitchell
c. Rickey Sanders
d. Alvin Garret
8. Who did I think was Santa Claus?
a. Dave Butz
b. My Mom
c. That player hater Anthony
d. Tiki “I AM On fire “Barber
9. Who is Anthony’s favorite boy band artist?
a. Nick Lachey
b. Ken Barrios
c. Justin Timberland
d. Randy Moss
10. The Best Skins Coach ever?
A. Joe Gibbs
Answer key: 1.a; 2.b; 3.c; 4.b; 5. a or e; 6 a; 7 b; 8a; 9d; 10 a |
