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| Craig Johnson. 29th November, 2005 - 12:43 am
 Dear heavenly father (the football gods), forgive me for I am about to sin. I swear that this is not the first time that I will have sinned, but this very well may be my first confession. It?s been twenty-eight years, 3 months- 28 days and 2 plays, 65-yards and 34 seconds, since I have begged for forgiveness. Oh, this is going to be a good one, I promise. Please stay tuned.
Right now the unlucky number stands at 3. Three filthy-flarn losses, that could have the Skins hearing holy music. Instead, the highlight reel for the year in review is going to be featured with circus music. The same circus music that was being played in Tampa has found a new home. Somebody opened the gates at the state line and escorted the circus to the place that used to be the Capital Center.
I promise, you can?t even park there for Skins games right now. It?s the new home to the fat bearded lady, which is singing the season is over. Oh no! There it was, I have sinned. The season is over? But how can I determine that? I am just a sports writer that is supposed to love the Redskins and bleed garnet and gold. But I have seen this movie before and guess what? I did not want to see the sequel. What has happened to what I thought was going to be the Holy Mary of a season and end our playoff drought? I am asking for a sign from you gods to give me that tells me that the Redskins will give me back my faith. If you won?t give it to me than I will just be forced to take it.
I am mad. It?s not that the Skins lost to ?Wore-out Sapp? (get it Warren, which sounds like Wore-on, thanks Dawn for that one), or that Randy Moss even had a big game against us. See it?s because my cousin (Anthony) who is my so-called best friend has been a Raiders fan all his life. Now, he wants to know why I won?t call him back. Father, did you really just ask me why I wouldn?t call him back? Where were you when I said that I am a Redskin faithful? I mean are you becoming a part of the circus? You weren?t just whistling ?doot-doot-do-da-doo-da-doot-doot,? were you? If I cannot spill my guts to you than who will listen? Short-Shirley is that you who has just logged on to read my article? Now Anthony, Dana, Dawn, Eric, Jennifer, Keith, Mike, Pete, Thomas and my Mom are in here to read this. Well, finally I have people who will listen to me. I am saying good-bye to the circus folks and hello to the ones who know that the optimism hasn?t really run out of my veins.
It was definitely difficult watching LaDanian Tomlinson scatter up and down on our defense, but the overtime was the most destroying. All it took was a 41-yard touchdown gallop by Tomlinson, after just 2 plays and 65-yards in a drive that killed my heart in only 34 seconds. That was it, that quick. I was stunned, hurt, fighting off tears and all at the same time I was ready to deck the fat bearded lady?s? boyfriend (who is a Chargers fan). I am still trying to figure out what she was doing with her fingers when she kept glancing at me. I mean either she was telling me the secret code of why Chargers fans are consistently arrogant or she was letting me know that she is also a ?Wolfpack? fan. Oh now I get it? That?s why she is hairy. She falls victim to part man- part beast. Everything is starting to become a little bit clearer now. Once again I believe that I can predict the future. The season is not over; we have the Rams and Cardinals coming up for the next two weeks. Two wins here and we are 7-6, which will lead to the last three weeks reminding us why we love the Skins. The NFC East will be determined in these three weeks. We host the Cowgirls, the New York Grease balls, and then get to go to Philly to play not only a Donovan-less, but a T.O.-less, Philadelphia Fleagels team. You know that for the first time in 5 years we have the chance to say 10-6. Not bad words that will hurt for another season. See gods, you don?t want to help me out than I will help myself out. I don?t really need a sign from you. Have you forgotten that this was the first time in a long time that I did not have to spend countless hours scrubbing off ?You Suck? from my sign after the win in Dallas on Monday September 19? I think you have because the neighborhood kids won?t even come within 50 feet from my sign. Maybe you don?t remember what it states so I will remind you again. It states, ?Home of a Redskins Fan,? proudly in big gold letters(a sign that used to make my Grandpa feel superior). And in the same way that those gold letters stand tall, I will stand tall and ask for every Redskins fan to repeat after me. Do I really need to chant it? I believe that we all know it by now, but all in together??THIS IS THE YEAR! I JUST KNOW IT!
Unfortunately, that beer tree that I was trying to grow actually sprouted, but the fat bearded lady un-invited came in to my home and ate from my bowl. So to you (with my fingers giving a Al Pacino symbol) I say ?CULTANOTO,? which is Italian for I put a spell on you. Maybe you will need to sleep that one off, but believe me the football gods saw you and Santa is not coming this year for you.
In unrelated news in Saguenay, Quebec, a 15-year old girl died from a kiss that was given to her by her boyfriend who just ate a peanut snack. Apparently she had a peanut allergy. Don't we pay money at the circus to feed the fat bearded lady peanuts? See what I mean?
Craig Johnson may be reached at myterps34@yahoo.com Thanks for being a friend in a place where everybody knows your name.
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